


Change of Plan

by nanuk_dain



Series: Drift Compatible [7]
Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Kaiju fighting, M/M, Team Hot Dads, canonical illness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-15
Updated: 2014-11-15
Packaged: 2018-02-25 12:05:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2621087
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nanuk_dain/pseuds/nanuk_dain
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Stacker and Tamsin learn that they have terminal cancer. Of course Herc learns about it too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Change of Plan

**Author's Note:**

> Part of the dialogue between Tamsin and Stacker is taken directly from "Tales From Year Zero", some parts are tweaked a bit, and the rest is all my own imagination running wild. Oh, and just in case you're interested, I reached 65.000 words today. This series keeps growing and growing and growing... o_O

_Tokyo, Japan, May 15th 2016_

 

It comes too quickly for them to block it. Onibaba's massive pincer connects with Coyote Tango's head on Tamsin's side, the impact almost shattering the Conn-Pod's hull, denting it to the point of deformation. Stacker feels a surge of immense pain coming over the drift, and then Tamsin is suddenly gone from his mind. 

There's only silence, darkness, a void.

_"Coyote Tango, you're out of alignment! You're out of alignment!"_

Stacker shouts Tamsin's name out aloud, not just in his mind, because he _knows_ that the connection was severed. Where Tamsin's presence was just a second ago, there is a big black nothingness now that immediately fills with the double load of the drift with the Jaeger. It courses through Stacker's entire body, from his head over his neck into his very fingertips and down to his toes, and it feels like the trail it leaves behind is burning into his skin. Fire, hot and searing and so incredible painful, rages through his body, and he can't hold back the scream of agony. 

_"Coyote Tango, what happened?"_

But worse than the pain is Tamsin's lifeless body next to him. She's not moving, she just hangs in the drive harness like a ragdoll. Stacker can't even tell if she's alive or dead. He can't reach her either since he's strapped into his own harness, and he knows he can't disengage because that Kaiju is still out there, chasing the numerous humans running through the devastated main street. Everything but continuing to fight is not an option. 

_"Ranger Pentecost! We're getting no signal from Ranger Sevier! The readings say that the neural handshake was terminated! Do you read, Ranger Pentecost? What's your status?"_

He knows it's not possible to drive a Jaeger solo, that the neural load is too much for a single human brain to take, but that doesn't keep him from trying. Not only would giving up mean his and Tamsin's certain death, it also means that the city will be destroyed. Stacker knows that the Kaiju won't leave any survivors. It's his duty to protect those people. 

It takes a huge physical effort to reach out to the comms. "LOCCENT. Ranger Tamsin is out. I don't know her condition, but the drift is severed."

_"Copy that. Abort mission, Coyote Tango. Abort mission!"_

"Negative, LOCCENT. I'm going after that Kaiju." Stacker grits his teeth and tries not to fight the fire burning in his mind, coursing through his body. He knows he has to work with it to make the Jaeger move, and he concentrates hard on lifting his left arm which is normally under Tamsin's control. It takes a precious second before anything happens, but then he feels it, the movement, the intensifying burn in his arm that tells him that it's working. 

_"You can't pilot Coyote on your own, Ranger Pentecost! You have to disengage the neural connection to the Jaeger or you will sustain irreparable brain damage from the neural load!"_

"I _am_ piloting Coyote on my own right now, LOCCENT." Stacker still feels like he's burning on the stake, in body and mind, but now he's gaining control over the Jaeger's limbs and he feels it responding to his commands on the left and the right hemisphere. He doesn't have the energy left to hassle with LOCCENT about it, though, there are more important things to do. "LOCCENT, I'm engaging Onibaba. Coyote Tango out."

Stacker kills the connection. He needs all his concentration to keep the Jaeger going, he'll deal with LOCCENT later. He blocks out all thoughts and worries about Tamsin, about the consequences of this fight, and only focusses on getting Coyote to turn and follow Onibaba. The Kaiju has left a trail of destruction on its path through the city, and Stacker can see its back in front of him, maybe three hundred metres away. He forces the Jaeger's legs to move, feeling the pain shoot through his muscles when he works Tamsin's side, and keeps going after the Kaiju. As soon as he's close enough, he circles the Kaiju to block its path and throws a punch aimed at the underside of its head, where the armour seems to be thinner. The Kaiju reels back but doesn't back off. 

Stacker doesn't know how long he fights Onibaba. He loses track of time, of the very concept of time, the only thing that matters is to keep the Kaiju out of the populated area. Onibaba manages to inflict some damage to Coyote Tango because Stacker may be piloting the Jaeger, but the performance is not at the same level as it would be with two pilots. At some point Stacker is thrown backwards and feels Coyote crash rather forcefully into a building, and it takes him a moment to regain his control over the Jaeger. By the time he's back on his feet, the Kaiju has moved on to run rampage through the city. Stacker doesn't hesitate to follow.

Only when he has almost reached it does Stacker realise that it's chasing a tiny spot running through the street that's cluttered with destroyed and abandoned cars, debris and even whole parts of the surrounding buildings. Stacker can't make out more than that, but he knows it's a person running for their life, and he throws himself at Onibaba's back with all the momentum Coyote can gain on the short run. He knows he's approaching the end of his strength, he has to end this fight very soon. 

Stacker goes for the Kaiju's ligaments, assuming that they're a weak spot just like they would be in a crustacean of terrestrial origin. He hits them, tears with all his strength, feels them give. As soon as the Kaiju is writhing on the ground, attempting to get up again, Stacker takes the precious spare seconds to load the plasma canon and fires, once, twice. The Kaiju stops moving, but Stacker fires another shot to its head, just to make sure. He knows he can't take another attack, so better be safe than sorry. His exhaustion is bone-deep after driving solo, but more than anything he is worried about Tam who's still hanging unconscious in her harness, still not moving at all. He wants to check on her, but he knows that he can't step out of the connection to Coyote as long as he's not on safe ground. 

His body burns, inside and outside, as if his skin is on fire and his insides are eaten by internal flames. His mind hurts, almost _physically_ hurts, no matter that he knows that is not possible. He's in so much pain that he almost doesn't feel it anymore. Stacker's only goal is to get Coyote on a clear spot on the open street, then he switches the Jaeger off and disengages the neural handshake to its interface. The burning eases immediately, even if it doesn't fade entirely. 

Stacker frees himself off his harness and hurries to Tamsin's side right away. He presses his fingers to her neck, checking for a pulse, and he feels the relief hit him like a truck when he finds it, regular if not as strong as it should be, but _there_ nonetheless. She's alive. 

The rest of the day is blurry in Stacker's memory. He remembers climbing out of the Conn-Pod after contacting LOCCENT to tell them about Onibaba's defeat and ordering an immediate medevac for Tamsin. He remembers the little girl down in the street, surrounded by destruction and death and still smiling at him when she sees him. Her face is imprinted into his memory as one of the only clear-cut things of the entire time after he steps out of Coyote.

The Jumphawks come to transport Coyote Tango back to the Hong Kong Shatterdome for repairs only an hour after Onibaba's defeat. Stacker and Tamsin, who regained consciousness about half an hour after the PPDC medics got to her, are put on one of the Jumphawks to get back to the PPDC medical bay as soon as possible. Three of Tokyo's hospitals lie in ruins, and not only are the remaining ones totally overwhelmed with the onslaught of the injured people of the Kaiju attack, they're also not equipped to deal with the specific neural strains that apply to Jaeger pilots. Tamsin's stable if a bit tired, but otherwise she doesn't seem to be affected by the events in Coyote, and Stacker doesn't show any of the signs of the severe brain damage everyone expected, so it's decided that it's safe to put them through the nine hours of flight it takes to Hong Kong.

As soon as they arrive there, Tamsin gets transported to the med bay. The doctors - not only the medical ones, also the neural science ones - keep Stacker for more tests than he can count because he managed to pilot solo, while Stacker only wants to have a shower and sleep for a day. It's when they tell him to get out of his drivesuit that he finds the long, intricate burns all over his body, a perfect mirror image of the circuits of the suit. The techs who unsuit him can't stop staring, nobody has seen scars like that before. They're still soft and sore to the touch, and Stacker gets a cream that's supposed to help. They're burns, the doctors tell him, from the overload of piloting solo for three hours, and that shouldn't even have been physically possible in the first place. He's lucky he only got burn marks, they continue, and that his brain is still working. He doesn't care much at that time.

When Stacker finally makes it to the med bay, Tamsin is fast asleep in a sterile hospital bed and the doctors tell him that she'll be released tomorrow. They're not sure what caused her to faint, but they're running tests, they tell him, and there's nothing else to do but wait for the results. They want to keep her overnight for observation, and Stacker stays with her for an hour or two, but when he almost falls asleep in the mighty uncomfortable chair, he decides to get back to their quarters.

The next morning when Stacker returns to the med bay Tamsin's bed is empty and new, clean sheets have already been put on. When he asks the nurse, she tells him that Ranger Sevier was released an hour ago, and that she looked fine if a bit tired. Since Tam didn't come to their quarters, Stacker has a good idea where she might be. 

True to his assumption he finds her in the Kwoon, just finishing a sequence of the Jaeger Bushido with the perfection he's used to expect from her. She doesn't look like somebody who lost consciousness the day before, and it eases Stacker's worry, even if only a bit. She knows he's in the room, and looks up when he approaches the sparring mats. 

"How are you, Tam?" Stacker asks quietly, he doesn't want the other Rangers training in the Kwoon to overhear their conversation. 

Tamsin doesn't reply, but there's such a deep weariness in her eyes that Stacker follows her immediately when she jerks her chin at the changing rooms. She heads straight for her locker and takes out a sealed letter, handing it to Stacker without saying a word. Stacker accepts it, frowning, because it's not like Tamsin to be so quiet.

"What's this, Tam?" Stacker asks, noting the official PPDC logo on the envelop.

"Just read it." Tamsin says and turns around to change. Stacker sits on the bench, his back towards Tamsin, and rips the envelop open. He quickly scans the few lines telling him that he and his co-pilot Tamsin Sevier will be retired from Jaeger combat duty, effective immediately. It feels like a kick to the stomach, especially considering what he pulled off just yesterday. 

"They're taking _us_ off the roster? Bloody ridiculous.." Stacker is angry, because they haven't failed, they completed their mission. There's no reason to retire him and Tamsin just because they had a bad day.

Tamsin is pulling her shirt over her head and her voice is muffled when she replies. "I blacked out in the pod, Stacks."

"Don't beat yourself up over that, Tam. I finished it. I have your back." Stacker turns towards her, but she's not facing him, as if she's avoiding to look at him.

He can see her sigh heavily. "I know that you do. That's not what I-"

Stacker doesn't let her finish. He needs her to understand that there's nothing she's to blame for. "Every crew has a bad day _eventually_ , but we managed it. We put the threat down. We have a record. That's got to be worth something."

Tamsin is quiet for a moment, then she lets her head fall forwards until her forehead rests against her locker. Her voice sounds so resigned when she speaks that a shiver runs down Stacker's back. "They did a full work-up after I sparked out like that... I have cancer, Stacks. That's why they're recalling us."

It takes a moment for Stacker to process her words, then he feels icy fingers spread all over his body. No, it can't be... "But the Metharocin..."

"...isn't a hundred percent effective. We _knew_ that when we signed up to strap into a giant nuclear reactor." Tamsin turns and finally looks at him, and it's only now that he believes what she's telling him. Her gaze doesn't waver, but she's quiet, giving him the time he needs to understand what's happening. Stacker still feels her presence in his mind, a faint echo of a drift hangover, and he knows with absolute certainty that she's telling the truth.

"You have to get tested, Stacks." Tam is deadly serious, and he can read it in her gaze. "We were in the same Jaeger, after all."

He nods because he knows she is right. It's impossible that he isn't affected too.

"Look, they're going to treat it and all that, but they'll never let me into a Jaeger again." She looks so lost, so profoundly shaken and sad that Stacker doesn't think twice, he simply pulls her in and wraps his arms around her in a tight embrace. She sags against him after a second and her arms slip around his waist, turning into fists in his shirt. She doesn't cry, she just holds on and breathes deeply. She's strong, and Stacker knows that better than anybody, but he feels that she's close to the end of her rope. It would be different if Luna was still around.

"It's not the end, Tam." Stacker murmurs into her wild red hair. "Promise me you won't give up."

Tamsin chokes out a laugh. "You sound like Luna."

"Must run in the family." Stacker replies and presses a kiss to the top of her head. "And you're all that remains of my family, so please promise me that you won't give up."

She's silent for a moment, then he feels her nod against his chest. "All right. I promise."

Stacker goes to the med bay an hour later and the doctors are already expecting him. They put him through one test after another and then tell him to come to get the results the next day. Stacker's assumption is proven right. Tam isn't the only one who has terminal cancer. It would have been very surprising indeed if he hadn't been affected too, he was in the same Conn-Pod, exposed to the same radiation levels. He's not as bad off as her for the simple reason that he has greater body mass.

For a moment Stacker just sits in the chair in the waiting room and his hands play absent-mindedly with the little metal pill box the he got from the doctors a few minutes ago. It has his name imprinted on the lid and holds an array of pills that he got precise orders on how and when to take. Stacker opens the box and stares at the multicoloured pills, thinking about what the diagnosis means for him. He can never pilot again, the doctors were pretty clear about that. If he ever comes close to a nuclear reactor again, the cancer will worsen faster that he can even say 'terminal cancer'. And if he ever straps into a Jaeger's Conn-Pod again, ever engages in a drift again, his brain – which should technically already be a vegetable after three hours of piloting solo – will be deep fried. Okay, so they haven't used those exact words, but it's the gist of the conversation.

Stacker stands up and begins walking back to his and Tamsin's quarters. He has to tell Herc. It's not fair to keep him out of the loop of something that has such far-reaching consequences. He wishes he could spare him, though. He still remembers the sound of Herc's sobs when he learned that his wife was dead, the feeling of them wrecking his entire body when Stacker had held him and offered comfort. He doesn't want to be the reason Herc will feel like that again, and he knows Herc will take it hard. Probably harder than Stacker himself does.

But Stacker is not the one who will stay behind, after all. 

While walking through the busy hallways of the Shatterdome, Stacker thinks about how he can tell Herc that he's basically already dead, that it's only matter of time. The doctors refrained from telling him how long, because there are still treatments and it could be months or it could be years. They simply don't know. It doesn't make the situation any easier. 

Stacker arrives at his quarters before he finds any words to say to Herc. He hates doing this over the phone and a video chat it the only alternative, he can't just take off and leave to travel to Kodiak Island. Tamsin is not in their quarters, but that's not surprising. Stacker knows they began her treatment right away, so she's spending a lot of time in the med bay. Right now he's glad to have the rooms to himself, he needs the privacy to talk to Herc. It's going to be painful enough as it is, there's no need for an audience.

Stacker checks his watch. The time difference between Hong Kong and Kodiak Island is huge with seventeen hours, so he has to make sure Herc is actually wake. It's almost 11 am, meaning that it's 6 pm on Kodiak Island, so Herc should be in his quarters. Stacker quickly logs into the PPDC network and calls Herc's quarters in the Jaeger Academy via a video connection. It only takes two rings before Herc answers, still wearing his uniform. He obviously came back only a few minutes ago, because he's just about to pull off his jacket. 

"Hey Stacks. Give me a moment, I'll just get a bit more comfortable." Herc greets him, moving around the room, hanging up his jacket and taking off his shoes. Neither Scott nor Chuck are in sight, and although that doesn't necessarily mean that they're not there, Herc's body language tells him that they're still out. Good. 

"There's something important I have to tell you, Herc." Stacker decides to just come out and say it. It won't make it any easier to beat around the bush.

Herc's face turns serious. "Is it about Tam?"

"Sort of."

"She told me about her condition, Stacks." Herc says quietly, and it almost sounds like a reproach. Well, he's not stupid, he will have come to the same conclusion that Tam reached. 

"I have cancer too." Stacker doesn't believe in sugar-coating the facts of life, not when it concerns others and certainly not when it concerns himself. The only thing he regrets is the pain it will cause Herc.

Herc's shoulders sag and his voice is very quiet and almost resigned when he replies, "I was expecting that ever since she called me after Onibaba." 

Stacker swallows hard. It has been almost two days since then. Herc has been going through the fear of uncertainty and worry for _two days_ on his own. Stacker suddenly feels guilty for his inconsideration. He has never even called Herc. He realises that just because he doesn't want to make a fuss about it, doesn't mean that others won't worry. And he should have known that Tam would talk to Herc, they've grown close over the past year. 

Only now does Stacker notice all the little clues that Herc isn't doing too well. Like the dark circles under Herc's eyes that he always gets when he either doesn't sleep enough or not well. Or the lines around his mouth, tight lines of worry. The way he moves as if he's carrying a heavy burden on his shoulders. Stacker knows, _feels_ that it's because of him, because of the blow Herc has been expecting for two days, because of the uncertainty that has been eating at him.

Stacker clears his throat, feeling a lump building there that threatens to take his voice. "Herc... I'm so sorry I didn't call earlier."

"Don't ever do that to me again, Stacker." Herc's eyes are dark with hurt and his voice sounds raw. He averts his gaze for a moment, takes a visible breath, and when he looks up again he has regained some of his composure. "What did the doctors say?"

It takes Stacker a moment to find his voice. He's still coming to terms with the fact that he caused Herc even more pain by not calling than if he had shared the worry right when he'd come back from the tests after Onibaba. He hasn't spared Herc, to the contrary, he's made it worse. "I can't ever pilot a Jaeger again. Severe radiation poisoning from Coyote's nuclear reactor. I have cancer just like Tamsin, but they say there are ways to keep it at bay, at least for now. I'm already in treatment." 

Herc nods at the words Stacker delivers like he would deliver a report, formal and without any feelings, as if he isn't talking about his own body that's going to fail him in the near future. He can deal with all that, with the cancer and the necessary treatments, it's the fact that he won't ever drift with Herc again that hurts the most. It's another blow he still has to deliver.

"You probably heard that Tam blacked out in the Pod?" Stacker makes it sound like a question although it isn't one. He's sure Herc knows what happened. "I piloted Coyote solo afterwards. It was almost three hours, they told me - I lost any sense of time. It caused damage too. The doctors said that I can never enter a drift again because the toll will be too much."

It visibly hits Herc. He looks stricken, he knows what that means. They can never drift together again, and it seems like a most cruel punishment. Drifting means so much for a perfect match, it's something neither of them can imagine to live without ever since they first shared their minds. 

Herc pulls himself together with the same determined strength that Stacker has always admired in him. "We'll make do, Stacks. The most important thing is that you're alive."

Stacker can only nod, his throat closes up at those words, because he knows that Herc means it. He won't give up on Stacker, and never will. 

*** 

It's only when the call is over, the connection cut and the silence of the room is wrapping around him, that Herc allows a single tear to run down his cheek. Then he wipes it away, takes a deep breath and straightens. 

He has a plan. Time to set it in motion.


End file.
